Confessions of a Couch Potato

I’m a reformed couch potato.This is a formal goodbye to my couch lounging days! Not that I’m going to stop relaxing, because we all know that would be bad. But to do it less often, especially when I should be doing something else.

Probably you always thought that men where the only ones who deserved this description. I’m here to say that women are almost as lazy as men at times, and we deserve equal opportunity to claim the starchy vegged-out category. But I thought I would get these thoughts out of my system and maybe you could get a chuckle out of them, too!

I was not just an ordinary couch potato, but an expert at couch potato technique. There is only one thing is really necessary for being a couch potato and that is a couch. There are other things that give couch potatoes greater comfort.Any good (or should I say great) couch potato, male or female, will tell you that their most non-productive moments are spent in front of a television. It’s not essential, it does help to have the tv playing so that the couch spud at least appears to be doing something.(not that watching is really doing something any way)Accessories are also helpful in gaining the ultimate in couch potato comfort. Pillows for the neck are helpful. Naturally you do not want to use a bed pillow, as that would be false to your purpose. Little couch pillows work well. ( I recommend them highly.)A blanket is needed to stay warm and cozy.. Again, we do not want to use actual bed accessories. Afghans grandma made are perfect for this. They can be casually thrown across the arm of your couch as a decorator accent, and quickly grabbed to double as cover when the urge to nap hits and we do not want to spoil the mood.

Couches come in assorted sizes and types. The best couch potato couches are long enough to accommodate the entire body while in a horizontal position. They should be soft and wide enough that you do not feel as if you may fall off. I have spent many lazy hours catching Z’s, on my big blue couch. Creative technique is important this allows the wide arms to be used as headrest and footrest. Not complete comfort, by any means, but complete determination. One must be also willing to tolerate a minor neck ache when waking up from this position.

Why bother with all this, you say? If you’re sleepy or THAT lazy, go to bed! Obviously you do not understand the point. Years of practice are needed to prefect a couch potato technique. The point is NOT to go to bed, but to catch forty winks elsewhere.Too much time on my hands? Not at all! The best hours are those stolen when I should absolutely be doing other activities. Actually, I feel a bit drowsy right now. I think I’ll finish this column later. Would you pass me that afghan?