Food Shopping: Consider the Alternative

Are you overwhelmed whenever you go to the supermarket? Do you plan to buy just a few things and end up spending a fortune? Will this help you stop? Probably not, but it will give you a laugh.... or a few even!!!!

Someone once said that one should never go food shopping when hungry ( this would cause us to buy more groceries than planned) . (This silly statement may have been made by the same person who said that the moon was made out of Swiss cheese, but I couldn’t swear to it.) It does make sense though, if you think about it. Being full can put a damper on impulse. I don’t know about you, but whenever I go shopping for "just a few things," I always end up spending more than I meant to. And so I have devised a system with few rules of the road to be applied every time you even come close to the door to your favorite supermarket. They are divided up into three categories; before the shop, during the shop and afterwards.

The very first thing you must do is realize that being prepared isn’t only for boy scouts. Park as far away from the market as possible. It may slow you down, as it will force you to at least think about how far you have to travel with that "big fat heavy cart." It also helps to never take a cart inside the store with you. You will always need one and that is precisely the point.
You can carry only so much in that little basket...

Never....Shop.... in nasty weather. Blizzards, torrential rains and monsoons are very good; hurricanes are even better( really worse) . Apart from the thrill of never knowing whether you will live to get home, there is something about rain, snow and murderous winds that turns one’s thoughts to home, hearth and over-stocking such staples as rice, soups, pet food and Haagen Das. Food shopping under these conditions will encourage you to buy more than you will ever need of everything under the sun. Oh, and by the way, avoid the sun. It’s no help at all.

Shop early in the morning and wear a mask. (Avoid cashiers and managers as they might think you are trying to rob them.) No one will recognize you, and you can buy all that junk food without looking over your shoulder or feeling guilty. (And if you do this, don’t buy low fat potato chips and the like. Go all the way! Hell, you only live once!) Don’t think about the fact that no one you know is watching you shop because any normal human being will be asleep at this hour. Why aren’t you?

Buy lots of cottage cheese and yogurt in all flavors and varieties. Vow to eat all before that dreaded expiration date. Make sure they all have different dates or you will really be sorry you made that promise!

Leave your glasses at home if you wear them and bring them with you if you don’t. And don’t forget those coupons. step by step. By nightfall, you should be home safe and sound and may only need one Valium to get to sleep.

Last but not least is the trip home. Try a new way to get there (preferably in bad weather with or without your glasses depending on whether you need them or not).

If all of the above fails, consider bulk shopping. Places like Sam’s Club, Price Club and others offer mayhem at very reasonable prices.

Think about it???