in my dictionary, everything is a word even fart
time for a little fart humor!!!Yeas that right i said the F word...heheheh
FART:noun: taboo, to emit gas from the buttocks/anus.
FART OFF: to give someone the cold shoulder
COLD SHOULDER: presumably the shoulder of the ice man/cold man
COLD MAN: man that makes fires as a fire man puts them out
OUT:away from in, skipping for gin
GIN:to stop blubering on,


i make up my own language...why..because i can!! i didn't say anywhere along the line that this blog would make any sense, did i???

Side not:
this is my response to my sister, that is the older one. She nags on me about the lack of spell checking that i do for my blogggggg. I most often forget to check my spelling because my brain is fried from the crazy whirlwind of a day at work. And on top of that by the time i sit down, i'm not in my right mind. Which is a good thing, because the more tired i get the funnier i am, because i'm a hero in my own mind. And the president of my own solar system. Maybe i need to make you my sister the minister of spelling. i figure as long as you get my drift i'm doing A O K!!! If i could spell or do math you think I would be sweating my ars off in a kitchen. I'll try to pay more attention to the spelling thing, it's not a gaurenteee! ooopsss did i missplell that!!!

Question of the day:Do you think that doing exercises for a firmer gluteus maximus will have the added side benefit of louder farts?

Work it Girl!!!
Well, hello all!!!So i'm backon band wagon...not that i was all the way off it. I'm taking about my fitness regement. I never stopped all the way but i have been slacking. So here are some little tidbits that i remind myself as i am getting back into full swing with my fitness, and lifestyle change.

Weight Loss Myths
There are dozens of weight-loss myths that help to derail people. Here is a list of some of the most common so you can try to avoid them:

The myth that some kinds of calories are different from others - A calorie is a calorie. If you consume 4,000 calories by eating 1,000 grams of white sugar or 4,000 calories by eating 444 grams of fat, it is still 4,000 calories.

The myth that low-fat foods are okay or that you can eat as much as you want if it is low-fat - A product can have 0 grams of fat but still have lots of calories. Many fat-free foods replace the fat with sugar and contain just as many or more calories as a fat-containing product.

The myth that any passive device, acupressure rings and bracelets or soaps or whatever, can help - There is no way to burn calories but to burn them.

The myth that you can lose 54 pounds in 6 weeks - Despite what the ads say (I LOST 54 POUNDS IN 6 WEEKS WITHOUT DIETS OR EXERCISE!!! or LOSE 10 POUNDS THIS WEEKEND!), you cannot lose a pound of fat unless you burn off 3,500 calories. To lose 54 pounds in 6 weeks, you would need to lose 9 pounds in 7 days, or 1.3 pounds per day. That 1.3 pounds of fat is equal to 4,500 calories, so you would have to burn off 4,500 calories per day. The only way to do that would be to eat nothing AND run a marathon every day for 42 days. That's impossible. The only way to lose that much weight that quickly is either through dehydration or amputation. The ads are lying.

The myth that anything can create an "enzyme-driven fat-burning cycle" - All sorts of things, from nettle seeds to apple pectin, are supposed to contain enzymes that create an ENZYME-DRIVEN FAT BURNING CYCLE THAT BURNS CALORIES 24-HOURS-A-DAY!!! No.
What is true is that you have to eat fewer calories than you burn in a day if you want to lose weight. You can do that by eating fewer calories than you need, or by exercising more, or both. It is true that some people burn more calories per day than others (just as some people are taller than others, some people have to use the restroom more frequently than others, some people lose their hair faster than others and so on -- people are different). You simply have to find the number of calories your body burns in a day and consume fewer calories than your body needs. That's not to say it's easy -- the psychology of food and eating is very powerful. But that is what you have to do. It is a mental game, and there is no way around it. But now you know the rules of that mental game.

So al of us that are in the process of becoming healthier, happier, wealthier...today is a great day enjoy every minute of it...

Nexton my blog agenda is my discovery of Zen

Ode To a Roy Boy!

Ode to Alcohol


Starkle, starkle, little twink,
Who the hell you are I think,
I'm not under what they call
The alcofluence of incohol.
I'm not drunk as thinkle peep,
I'm just a little slort of sheep.
Tee martoonis make a guy
Pool so feelish, don't know why
Rally don't know who's me yet
The drunker I stay the longer I get
So just one more to full my cup,
I've all day sober to Sunday up.

This past weekend we had the pleasure of having some company in good ole jax. My husbands family was in town, to help celebrate his birthday. So we cake, presents and all that good stuff. I want to give a shout to a new friend, Kim. We are really glad you could join the festivites, we had a really good time!

Quick side track..a funny thought just popped in my head..

Two muffins are baking in an oven. First muffin says: "Gettin' a little hot in here, isn't it?" Second muffin says: "AHHhhhh!!! A talking muffin!!"

Ok that wasn't really funny... here;s another one..

A skeleton walks into a bar, he orders a beer, and a mop.


...was that a little better? ....okay just one more I promise!


What do you call cheese that doesn't belong to you? Nacho cheese!!!

PUT A FORK IN ME I"M DONE>>>no pun intended...hehehe














1

Liquor Warning Labels


The board of health has proposed that warning signs be placed on booze bottles to tip off drinkers about the possible perils of having a few... so this week at work we decided to come up with a short list, i'm sure this not what the board of health had in mind...yes between all this humor we do get the job done!!!


Warning: consumption of alcohol is a major factor in dancing like an geek.

Warning: consumption of alcohol may cause you to tell the same boring story over and over again until your friends want to smash your head in.

Warning: consumption of alcohol may cause you to thay shings like thish.


Warning: consumption of alcohol may lead you to believe that ex-lovers are really dying for you to telephone them at 4 in the morning.

Warning: consumption of alcohol may leave you wondering what the hell ever happened to your pants anyway.

Warning: consumption of alcohol may cause you to roll over in the morning and see something really scary (whose species and or name you can't remember)

Warning: consumption of alcohol is the leading cause of inexplicable rug burn on the forehead.

Warning: consumption of alcohol may create the illusion that you are tougher, handsomer and smarter than some really, really big guy named Psycho.

* warning if you can relate to this list you may want to, think twice before you end up face down in your bosses lawn..this is a sure way to make a big as* of yourself

...Happy Birthday....

Yea it's birthday time once again at club 656, aka our humble abode. I would like to shout out a very huge happy Birthday to my husband Greg. He has reached the big 28..There is much fun to be had. We kicked off the celebration offically yesterday with dinner at Roys that pacific rim cuisine returant. We all had a lovily time. The food was very good and so was the service. This coming weekend his folks, brother, brother girlfried and his grandmama our coming up to jax from tampa bay area to have food, frolicing, and lots of fun. Drive saftley ya'll. That's the news for now...

later dudes!!!

Coffee Anyone!
lately I have been working a lot. Were talking forty plus about a minimum of around 15 more of over time. that,s a lot in a kitchen thats standing 55 hours on you feet. And yes they are tired too, just the the rest of me... so i put together a test of your well being and mine too!Answer yeas or no to the following keeping track of how many you answer yes or no...

The Coffee Test


Do you use coffee to escape from your problems?
Do you eat spoonfuls of instant coffee because it's easier?
Have you ever waken up in a puddle of your own coffee?
Do you find that it's easier to drink more coffee than to go to sleep?
Have you ever drank cold coffee?
Right out of the pot?
Does your coffee cup resemble a beer stein?
Has anyone ever told you that you "have a problem"?

Do you need coffee:

...to get up in the morning?
...to get out of bed?
...to be injected intravenously to stimulate blood-flow?
Do Native North American Aboriginal Indian Peoples call you "Ona mac towanda" (Smells-like-coffee)?
Does the phrase "Swiss water decaffeinated" strike terror into your heart?
Do you have a coffee maker in more than one room of your house?
...in more than five?
...in your bathroom?
Do the people at Second Cup refuse do give you free coffee cards anymore?
...because you're wearing out their hole-punch?
...and it's bad for the environment?
Do you grind your own coffee?
Do you grow your own coffee?
Do you know Juan Valdez?
...and his donkey?
...intimately?
Do you salivate uncontrollably whenever you hear dripping water?
Is sleep a hobby of yours?
...that you don't like?
...because it's too frustrating?
Response Ratio
Addiction Factor

Yes
No
Analysis:

22-28
0-6
You are a well-rounded member of society with a love for life and you are very wise.

15-21
7-13
You are a slightly jagged member of society, life's okay but it could be better and you are relatively naive.

0-15
13-28
What are you, some kinda nature-freak tree-hugger!?
Coffee's not good enough for you, huh? Here, have some more tofu! How about some alfalfa tea?!? You suck...

so how did you do???

Relaxation technique..
Some days are very stressfull in todays world. For example this past weekend for me was nuts. A 10 on the drive me up the wall scale. So I have a new way to relax! You should try it. Here it goes:

Picture yourself near a stream.
Birds are softly chirping in the crisp cool mountain air.
Nothing can bother you here.
No one knows this secret place.
You are in total seclusion from that place called "the world."
The soothing sound of a gentle waterfall fills the air with a cascade of serenity.
The water is clear.
You can easily make out the face of the person whose head you're holding under the water.
Look.
It's the person who caused you all this stress in the first place.
What a pleasant surprise.
You let them up, just for a quick breath.
Then...ploop!
Back under they go...
You allow yourself as many deep breaths as you want.
There now... feeling better?


I know this excercise does it for me.

Hello Everyone!!!
I hope everyone had tons of fun over the Easter Holiday. I know I did…. There’s nothing like being in the kitchen with your fellow chefs, cooks, dishwashers, and stewards. Here is a quick recount of my exciting Easter weekend.
I think I will start on Friday, I walked into my kitchen at about 1 pm and it was a cool 50 degrees. It was stuffed wall to wall with everything that needed to be ready for the Sun Morning. (that is everything that the cold kitchen prepares) That includes cases of romaine, carrots, tomatoes, cheese(about 10 varieties) and so many other things I could be typing for days.
Friday is an easy day, prepping only a few dozen items. Many cold foods that are to be prepared cannot be done that far in advance, they are very perisable. I had to cook all the seafood for the displays. About 18 or so sides of salmon umpteen boxes of scallops, then of course there shrimp, oysters, green mussels, crab claws, that’s just a short list.Peel umpteen cases of pineapple, cantaloupe, and honeydew melon. By nine I was running out the door with a cheese cake which pastry did up nicely for My roomie Joe’s b-day.
Sat I was back at work by 1 pm again. This when the major work for Sun is done. Do you want to know what we did? Sure you do… We started off with filling our coffee cups, complaining about this and that. Standard procedure for every busy day. Here is the list ….12 tomato and fresh mozzerlla cheese platter, 10 cheese platters, fill up the coffee again, grab a few fresh pieces of bread from baking and pastry, joke about we can forget about taking a break, cooking the couscous, adding all the salad stuff to it, making a dressing, mixing it together, putting it in bowls and of course we have to garnish. every holiday is extra fluffy when it comes to decoration.. There’s nothing like being elbow deep in a large bowl of salad, this bowl is so big 3 feet across and about 2 feet deep..it’s a lot of salad, then came another cup of coffee with a dollop of whipped cream, yummy, then my partner in crime and I started to wonder when we would get to go home. It’s about eight and there now no end in sight. We moved on to a bag carrots…50# and made out version of carrot raisin salad with pineapple in that same big bowl, then on to the seafood displays, we laid out 7 very large platter end to end they are as tall as me, some taller. We started them it was about 10, in the middle of that we started to get grouchy because we discovered that we hadn’t eaten all day, coffee cannot sustain life on it's own.. I had a belgin waffle…yummy and another cup of coffee, a glass of water, and some juice. She had a few pb and j sandwiches, and coffee than soda.We make all this cray fancy food but just want to eat simple food.. Then we finished up the seafood, chopped all the lettuce, washed it and set up 8 very large(each bowl serves about 100), Tied up a few loose ends and before we knew it was about 2 am. We left went home went to bed, got up took a super hot shower, and were back in the kitchen by 8 am.
Sun Oh what a blast we had we were so slap happy, I have not laughed that much in a long time. then we have members and guests asking silly questions like is that cake chocolate...of duh..everyone knows what chocolate looks and smells like. A young child stuffing hard boiled eggs that are decorating the buffet in to his tiny suit coat pockets, his pockets were about to burst.A room with a 100 or so children high on easter candy can be a scary thing. We did brunch about 500 people then turned around and did candle light dinner for about 250. plus the buffet in the Seafoam fine dining resturant, buffet in the golf club, plus our beach casual buffet at the patio. It probably wears you out just tinking about it. 11:30 pm came and all the exhausted, bloodshot eyed, grumpy, beyond slap happy chefs went home. And the coffee machine finally got a break and so did our feet and our minds.
The End
P.S. were served about 3000 cocktail shrimp, in the main dining room alone!

Easter is so close...so with all the wonderful easter fetivities...

CHOCOLATE HUMORChocolate is derived from cocoa beans. Beans are a vegetable. Sugar is derived from either sugar cane or sugar beets. Both are plants which places them in the vegetable category, too. Thus we can only conclude that chocolate is a vegetable. To go one step further, chocolate candy bars also contain milk, which is dairy. So candy bars are a health food. Chocolate covered raisins, cherries, orange slices and strawberries all count as fruit, so eat as many as you like.

If you have melted chocolate all over your hands, you're eating it too slowly.

The problem: how to get 2 pounds of chocolate home from the store in a hot car. The solution: eat it in the parking lot.

Diet tip: Eat a chocolate bar before each meal. It'll take the edge off your appetite, and you'll eat less.

If I eat equal amounts of dark chocolate and white chocolate, is that a balanced meal? Don't they actually counteract each other?

Chocolate has many preservatives. Preservatives make you look younger.

Put "eat chocolate" at the top of your list of things to do today. That way, at least you'll get one thing done.

A nice box of chocolates can provide your total daily intake of calories from one convenient source. Now, isn't that handy?

If not for chocolate there would be no need for control top pantyhose. An entire garment industry would be devastated. You can't let that happen, can you?

Remember: "stressed" spelled backwards is "desserts."

just a few silly things. i hope everyone has a wonderful and blessed easter..

Happy Birthday to my Roomie Joe Bob

I want to shout out to my roommate Joe. He has hit the big 23... Dang he's getting close to joing the quarter century club!!!

And in honor of the exciting event...
CAKE PERSONALITY QUIZ
If a friend asked what type of cake you'd like her to make for your birthday, which of the following would you choose?

Angel food
Brownies
Lemon Meringue
Vanilla with Chocolate Icing
Strawberry Short Cake
Chocolate with Chocolate Icing
Ice Cream
Carrot Cake
Now that you've made your choice, this is what research says about you!

Angel food -- Sweet, loving, cuddly. You love all warm fuzzy items. A little nutty. Sometimes you need an ice cream cone at the end of the day.

Brownies -- Adventurous, love new ideas, are a champion of underdogs and a slayer of dragons. When tempers flare up, you whip out your saber.

Lemon Meringue -- Smooth, sexy, and articulate with your hands, you are an excellent after-dinner speaker and a good teacher. But don't try To walk and chew gum at the same time.

Vanilla with Chocolate. Icing -- Fun-loving, sassy, humorous. Everyone enjoys being around you, but you are a practical joker. Others should be cautious shaking hands, however, you are a friend for life

Strawberry Short Cake -- Romantic, warm, loving. You care about other people and can be counted on in a pinch. You tend to melt.

Chocolate with Chocolate Icing -- Sexy, always ready to give and receive, very energetic, and really likes to get into life. The opposite sex is always attracted to you.

Ice Cream -- You like sports, whether baseball, football, basketball, or soccer. If you could, you would like to participate, but enjoy watching sports. You don't like to give up the remote control.

Carrot Cake -- You are a very fun loving person, who likes to laugh. You are fun to be with. People like to hang out with you. You are a very warm hearted person


So which one are you????

I'm vanilla cake with choc icing. What do you think?

It’s all about Grapes!!
Huh? I know that what your saying…. I spoke with my older sis on the phone, she said I should blogg since I finally have a couple days off. Thank Goodness! Out of the last 13 days I have been working I have only had one off. That’s not the big deal, working 10 to 12 hour days standing on my feet running at full speed is the issue. Next on the agenda is Easter… Okay, enough about that boring stuff, here comes the fun part!!!
This Just in....Using only cheap, readily-available equipment, you can create a spectacular lightshow in the comfort of your very own kitchen, yes that right , providing hours of fun and excitement for your family, friends, and pets!
Ordinary grapes, when properly prepared and microwaved, spark impressively in an extremely entertaining manner. And you say tell me more, alright I sure will.
We have made an important new discovery in the field of culinary entertainment.( This is what we do at work when we have down time or sometimes a need to blow off some steam.) Properly prepared, the common seedless grape can be made to combust (Kabluie) spectacularly when subjected to a short (5-10 second) duration of microwaves. This study was conducted based upon suggestions from a half dozen or so over imaginative chefs using locally available funds and equipment.
Materials Required
·Green grapes (genus Vitis)
·Microwave-safe plate (Corelle by Corning)
·Knife (Ekco Stainless Steel)
.Microwave Oven
1.The chefs carefully cleared the the test kitchen of all non-essential personnel, especially those persons who might attempt to stop the experiment while the grapes were still in the pre-combustion phase.
2.Next, the grapes were carefully prepared for proper theatrical effect. The knife was used to carefully slice the grape almost in half, leaving the grape halves attached by the skin. ( Please do not attempt this at home…or maybe you should what the hell go for it. Next, the grapes halves were placed face down in the middle of the microwave safe plate
3.Next, the plate with the prepared grapes were placed into the center of the microwave oven and the door carefully shut. The microwave was set to cook at full power for 40 seconds.( Be careful if you have one of those new fandled machines..there much more powerful than the abused and beat up ones we have at work.
Observed Results The effect of the microwaves on the sliced grapes produced an extremely satisfying flare and associated sparks
The sparks began approximately 5 seconds after the microwave was started. Approximately 3-4 seconds after that, the force of the sparks separated the grape halves by approximately 1.5 cm, ending the theatrical effects. At that point the microwave session was aborted to prevent further damage to the microwave and/or grape.
Discussion and ConclusionsA future experiment calls for the microwaving of multiple grapes at the same time for inhanced theatrical effect. For those who wish to forge ahead on this research, the chefs suggest separating each grape by a distance of 1.5 cm or more. Note that the authors take no responsibility for any accidents resulting from mis-application of this study. If your microwave blows up and your house catches fire, call the fire department, not us. Our microwave ovens appear to be in good shape after repeated experiments.
The results of this study will greatly enhance the field of culinary entertainment. New pyrotechnic methods have been developed using commonly available grapes and microwave ovens. The chefs are planning to use this research as a basis for experimentation with other species of grape and produce. Results of such study will be made available in future publications