"New" Year's Resolutions
I resolve to let my jokes stand on their own.


I resolve to see at least one movie a week, even if the only new movie out is "Gigli " or something. Okay maybe not that one.

I resolve to stop being such a jerk. What good does it do me to be a jerk? No good, that's what. Even if I don't like someone, why be a jerk to them? Right now, the answer is "because it's a habit". Being curt is easier for me, but I should stop. Plus, I've noticed that when I smile at people, they smile back. Winking doesn't help, though.

I resolve to either drink less Coke or quit obsessing about how much Coke I drink. Sometimes I quit for a couple of weeks nad then relapse, so all I get is fourteen days of a headache. On the other hand, I occasionally get headaches anyway, since, like I say, I drink so much Coke.

I resolve to floss. I mean everyday

I resolve to convince other people to read good books and watch good movies; and I resolve to read good books( too many trashy romance novels) and watch good movies that other people tell me to watch. You know how you see an obscure movie and then spend the rest of the movie's short run trying in vain to get all your friends to see it and they don't? And then a month later, one of your friends won't shut up about some great movie they've seen?

I resolve to juggle five balls by the end of the year.


I resolve to dramatically improve this web page, in both look and infrastructure( previous word was a Greg K-C..you know when i can't think of th right one).. And how hard can that be? My Dad's really gret at this stuff.


I resolve to stop ending sentences with "but still". It was funny for awhile, but I have to rotate it out in favor of new lines.

Speaking of which, I resolve not to use any punchlines that come from television commercials. I don't care whether it's funny in the commercial ("Great Googly-Moogly!") or if I'd just be doing it to get a cheap pop-culture reference laugh ("Whassup?!" or "What are YOU doing?"), I believe I can do better. I don't mind other people doing it (unless they have a late-night talk show), but I resolve to abstain. I'll still laugh if it's funny, though.


Finally, I resolve to get a sock monkey. I can't explain exactly why, but I just feel that my life would be better with a sock monkey around.


I think that's just about it unless i think of something else i will let you all know!!