It"s beeen a while since I've made fun of Her, sometimes I can't help mysef!!!
Dear Santa:

I rarely ask for much. This year is no exception. I don't need diamond earrings, handy slicer-dicers or comfy slippers ( oK I would love the slippers). I only want one little thing, and I want it deeply.
I want to slap Martha Stewart.

Now, hear me out, Santa. I won't scar her or draw blood or anything. Just one good smack, right across her little cheek. I get all cozy inside just thinking about it. Don't grant this wish just for me, do it for thousands of women across the country. Through sheer satisfaction, you'll be giving a gift to us all. Those of us leading average, garden variety lives aren't concerned with fancy living.

We feel pretty good about ourselves if our paper plates match when we stack them on the counter, buffet-style for dinner. We're tired of Martha showing us how to make centerpieces from whose Knows what dipped in 18-carat gold. We're plumb out of liquid gold. Unless it's of the furniture polish variety. We can whip up Martha's creamy holiday sauce, spiced with turmeric. But we really don't want to.

I have discovered that not only does Martha avoid take-out pizza (she's only ordered it once), she refuses to eat it cold (No cold pizza? Is Martha Stewart living?) When it was pointed out that she could microwave it, she replied, "I don't have a microwave."

Well, lah-dee-dah. Imagine that, Santa!

You would be amazed at what top notch resturants do with microwaves, okay we don't like to admit it. But I can't live without one. How do you think a well done steak is cooked in 15 minuates?

I have also learned learned that Martha has 40 sets of dishes adorning an entire wall in her home. Forty sets. Can you spell "overkill"? And neatly put away, no less. If my dishes make it to the dishwasher that qualifies as "put away" in my house!

The proof of Martha's influence: after she bought white-fleshed peaches in the supermarket, Martha says, "People saw me buy them. In an instant, they were all gone." I hope Martha never decides to jump off a bridge.

A guest in Martha's home told the public how Martha gets up early to rollerblade with her dogs to pick fresh wild blackberries for breakfast.

This confirms what I've suspected about Martha all along: She's obviously got too much time on her hands. Teaching the dogs to rollerblade. What a show off.

There you have it, Santa. If there was ever someone who deserved a good smack, it's Martha Stewart. But I bet I won't get my gift this year.

You probably want to smack her yourself.

On a side note i feel much better now
Feel free to comment!!!